


A Cactus, a Cat & a Jongdae

by MayMeows



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Beagle Line (EXO), Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Light mention of PTS, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29682600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayMeows/pseuds/MayMeows
Summary: Jongdae just wants to ensure every cat gets a home, including the troublesome black kitten that's managed to chase away everyone. (Except him, she could claw him all she wants). The skittish stranger in black may just be her perfect match. And maybe his too.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	A Cactus, a Cat & a Jongdae

**Author's Note:**

> Watched 'That's Okay' MV while thinking about that piece of advice 'start with a plant, then a pet, and then a person' about relationships. Not sure if its therapist approved advice, but it made for a cute prompt.

“What am I going to do with you?” Jongdae asks, looking down at the wriggling goblin. The black cat’s legs’ are kicking at Jongdae’s jean clad ankle. She looks crazed biting at the cuffed bottoms, claws sunken into the fabric. He bends down to pick her up, only to have a hissing blur zoom away from him and disappear into the room, tail bushed. 

He stomps his foot, letting out a hmph! The cats around him jump, scatter, or glare at his outburst. Jongdae glares back at them, as if they could do anything about their peer’s attitude, and walks back, defeated, into the reception room. Jongin and Sehun don’t even look up or spare him pitying glances as he rounds the desk and flops in a chair in the big closet they call an office. It fits a shelf and a file cabinet and a sad Jongdae. 

“You really should just give up on her,” Jongin says, sympathetic. That’s how Jongdae knows he’s loosing. “Some cats just don’t end up finding a home that fits.” 

“Yeah, she’s kind’ve nuts. You’ll just grow old here with her,” Sehun says to comfort him. Somehow, it doesn’t work. Sehun’s not even supposed to be working. 

Ever since Jongdae had started working at the cat shelter, he had maintained a clean record of adoption. Every litter he was tasked to rescue, Jongdae had gotten every single kitten adopted. On his shift a few weeks ago, Jongdae had gotten a call about kittens from a nearby neighborhood. He had answered and so he had been the one to bring the kittens in. Junmyeon, their shelter’s veterinarian, checks their health and Jongdae charms his way into a family’s heart to take them into their home. The runt of this litter, Goblin, the nickname she had earned, was an unpredictable creature. And the last one of her siblings. 

One minute, she was sweetly playing with Jongdae, mewling for attention. But the moment a stranger comes too close, she’s hissing, clawing, and running away. It scared many of the potential adopters away. 

“You could just take her home?” Jongin suggests, optimistic. “She loves you.” 

Jongdae would, except he already has three cats at home. One, according to his lease and his loyal neighbors when the landlord asks questions. He can’t fit another cat in his tiny apartment. Otherwise, he would be happy to take her. Jongdae pouts, imagining her future without a home. 

There’s no way his stubbornness will let him give up. 

“Ugh, there’s that weird guy again,” Sehun says, looking up from his phone. Jongdae sits up and looks over the desk. There’s a person clad in all black, including thick rimmed glasses, a mask and a cap, getting out of a black car. Jongdae hadn’t seen him before and raises a brow at Jongin. 

“He’s been coming in every day for the past few days. At first, he would just drive his car, park, and then, leave. Two days ago, he asked to ‘see cats’. I tried asking him if he was looking to adopt and he just, like, left. Yesterday, he came in, saw me, left,” Jongin explains. 

Jongdae hums, thoughts coming together in his mind like puzzle pieces. It’s not just the all black attire and black cat aesthetic match. There’s something about the way the young man’s eyes gaze at the ground, shoulders bracing. 

“Every person that walks through those doors are a chance for a new home,” Jongdae whispers. Jongin and Sehun cringe at him as he quoties the rich lesbian who funded the shelter. ‘Nice lady, but she’s corny’, the duo had said. A corny homosexual? That was Jongdae’s entire identity. They could cringe all they want. 

He stood up, putting on the brightest, perkiest smile he can, as the stranger clad in black gingerly pulls the door open. 

“Hi! Welcome to the Cat House, where any pussy, big or small, can find a find a home,” Jongdae greets, sunshine incarnate in his voice. Jongin and Sehun still laugh under their breath at their shelter’s slogan. Lesbians. 

The stranger startles, looks up right at Jongdae with big, owl eyes. And- leaves. 

“Swing…” Sehun drawls. “And a miss,” Jongin finishes. 

Jongdae pinches both their ears and tells them to clean the cat boxes. 

___

To Jongdae’s surprise, the black capped stranger comes back the next day. Albeit a little earlier, say right at opening, which Jongdae guesses is to try avoid the people on shift last night. Good thing, Jongdae has no life. He ducks behind a stack of donated cat food and litter, without thinking of the possibility that jumping out of hiding will scare the guy. Again.  
He chides himself as the bell lets out a soft chime. Jongdae watches the guy, same black outfit, give a huff of relief and approach the corner of the desk where their brochures are. 

Oh! 

So he crouches, takes very quiet steps from behind the stack of cat food, opens the door beside very, very quietly and shuts it, only loud enough that the lock’s click echoes in the room. The guy looks up as Jongdae pretends to be looking at his empty clipboard. He jumps a little, but, otherwise, doesn’t spook. 

“Oh, sorry, did I sneak up on you?” Jongdae feels his cheeks burn. There’s a brochure trapped in the stranger’s fist. He stands rigid at the sight of Jongdae. 

He turns to walk out. 

“Wait,” Jongdae calls out, but doesn’t move or try to block the exit. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I get excited when people come it. And Yoona, our boss, really likes it when we say the slogan. She has me trained. And I’m, also, sorry if Sehun and Jongin weren’t helpful. They have that adonis sheen of ‘unapproachable’, right? They’re just… new.” 

They weren’t, but a little white lie couldn’t hurt. Especially not at the expense of those two. The stranger doesn’t turn back around, stays with a hand on the door, but he doesn’t leave. Jongdae takes the opportunity to grab three brochures from their rack. 

“If you’re thinking of adopting or owning a cat, maybe for the first time, please take these,” Jongdae hug the clipboard to his chest and extends the small stack towards him. A bud sprouts in his chest when the stranger takes them. 

“T-thank you,” he says in a deep tone. Jongdae’s ears sigh at the color of the vowels. 

“My name’s Jongdae. My shift starts at noon tomorrow and the day after that. No one else will be here till two. That door,” Jongdae points at the bright, blue with rainbows all over it, swinging door behind the reception desk. “is where the cats are. We only let a few people in, at the same time, so we use tokens. I’ll leave one for you on the desk if you just want to walk through.” 

He gets a nod, “How will I know if the token’s for me?” 

“I’ll leave a sticky on it with your name. If you feel comfortable giving it to me,” Jongdae says. 

“Hm… O.K.,” he agrees, tentative. Like when Jongdae has to stretch his fingers and let Goblin sniff them before she meows for ear scratches. “Kyungsoo.” 

“Okay, Kyungsoo, nice to meet you,” Jongdae says. 

__  
Kyungsoo parks his car black car at 11:55 a.m.. It’s a sedan with tinted windows so Jongdae can’t be attempted to keep looking over his shoulder as he clocks in. He pushes Sehun out the door by nagging him. Which works perfectly. Jongdae grabs a token, a laminated piece of paper with a cat paw charm and ribbons. He scribbles Kyungsoo’s name on a sticky note and pastes it on the token before ducking into the cat room, scrambling to getting to the chores. 

The bell chimed, followed by nearly silent footsteps. Jongdae’s knee-jerk reflex to shout a greeting has his throat contracting, but he picks up an oversized can of food and walks it over to the counter. The small “kitchen” area of the shelter has no distinction between what’s used for the cats and the humans. It’s also made up of a rusty fridge, a two chair table, a chair, a pantry, and a counter top. The saving grace is the dishwasher for all the cat bowls. 

The “kitchen” has no privacy either, what with it being in a plexiglass walled room, but Jongdae can mind his own business while keeping an eye on Kyungsoo. People weren’t allowed unsupervised with the cats. The shelter ran in a circle. The reception desk as the entrance point, placed in the middle and flanked by two doors. The right door to the veterinary facilities and the left door led to where they housed the cats. The housing is separated into a few rooms. First, a room with well-behaved free roaming cats. The next leg of the walk is the hall of pens with cats, with strong individualism stay in their little apartments. Then, it’s another open room, but with kittens and young adults with a few pens along the walls. The kittens needed time-out, at times, and they all slept in the pens. The last room is where the newborns and their mom’s stay. 

Jongdae had helped design the shelter during remodeling, made himself proud whenever a family melts at the nursing kittens with Ohhs and Ahhs. Though, he’s never quite as happy as when he sends a cat off to a good home. 

Kyungsoo takes the token and, just as quietly, walks into the room. He clutches the token in a grip that bends the laminate. His other hand stuffed in his pocket. Jongdae opens the wet food can with only half attention. Thankfully, the “kitchen” is soundproof and none of the cats are interested in him. Their tails flick and eyes swivel to the rigid figure in the middle of the room.  
Kyungsoo squats down and extends a hand out. And stays still until Jongdae’s convinced he’s seeing a picture. 

The cats approach Kyungsoo with soft mewls, cheeks rubbing around edges of their soft towers, and tails up, but bent at the tip. A tabby wins the slow race and puts her ear under his fingers. One of the more dominant queens marches up to him, looks up and lets out a loud demand. She sits on her back legs and stands to rub her chin against his masked covered one. 

Jongdae watches with dropped jaws. Their shelter is known for friendly cats, because they actually took care of them, but to see them, march up, unguarded, and whining at a stranger…  
He drops the can of wet food, only an inch away from his toe. The room’s soundproof, but not that soundproof. Kyungsoo’s head swivels up, but Jongdae can’t see his expression pass the cap. The cats around him give Jongdae a sea of flat, unimpressed glares. Jongdae mouths a sorry as he scrambles to wipe up the mess. 

“Can I help?” Kyungsoo’s husky voice floats through Jongdae’s ears. He blushes, sheepish. 

“It’s fine,” Jongdae laughs. He’s saved most of the food by scraping it into a bowl (good thing he mopped last night). “I’ll just send Tubs in here and he can do the clean up.” 

“Tubs?” 

“He’s the tabby who’s about to barrel through your legs.” 

“Wha-” Kyungsoo reflexively lifts a leg just as a blur passes under him, at full tilt, before the bowling ball shaped cat defies physics and stops directly in front of the left over gravy. Jongdae shakes his head at his food motivated friend. 

There’s nearly silent laughter emitting from Kyungsoo. He has the fist with the token covering his mouth, as if a mask wasn’t there. Jongdae’s heart jumps at the way his eyes crinkle into moon crescents, stars of mirth hanging on his eyelashes. 

“Tubs,” Jongdae says, giggles like floating champagne bubbles in his throat. “We saved so much money on cleaners thanks to him.” 

Jongdae groans as he picks up the tabby and shuts the door to the “kitchen”. He’s surprised when he turns and finds Kyungsoo still near. They stand in the open room, the cats pooling around their ankles. 

“Do you know all of them?” Kyungsoo asks, reaching down and petting a few of the more demanding of the bunch. Jongdae does the same. 

“Yeah, the one’s in here are usually hard t to be adopted since they’re full grown,” Jongdae says. “It’s kinda of the best part of the job, though. Getting to know all of their personalities so well. The Queen that keeps trying to head-butt you is Alma. She’s got good spirit and keeps the order. That one is Cheshire and her sister Treasure; they’re a packaged deal. The amputee with the left front leg is Jinx, she’s feisty and sweet. The duality is very real in her case. The amputee with the back left leg is Six. She has an extra toe on her front paw.” 

Jongdae keeps on, feeding the cats and introduces them, as Kyungsoo pets every cat and repeats their name, under his breath. When they’ve run out of cats in the open room, they naturally move onto the next room with the cats lounging in their respective pens. 

“These guys do better in here than with the other cats,” Jongdae says. A fun fact about cats: humans and cats had similar brain structures, minus their prefrontal cortex, which is incredibly underdeveloped compared to a human’s, but their brain structures that involved emotion and emotional processing is nearly identical. If people can experience fear, trauma, sadness, and remember those feelings, Jongdae believes cats can and do the same. Just in their own, fur bound way. 

The cats in these rooms have a correlation between them. Either they were brought in due to environmental reasons, ranging from icy winters to hurricanes, traumatic injures, from cars to other animals, or they came from homes that either abused them or abandoned them. Jongdae doesn’t have the heart to say that these cats are 'not adoptable', partly because he didn't believe it, but he's worked long enough to see a truth in it. Every once in awhile, people came in to pick up an older cat, preferring an independent, low energy pet to a rambunctious kitten. The friendly cats had their moment to make a connection, but these cats were too anxious, too scarred. 

A yowling hiss cuts through Jongdae’s thoughts. Goblin had been moved to this room after having a fight in the open room with the other kittens and young adults. Jongdae moves to her, open the gate and slips a hand in. She cowers under it and hisses at Kyungsoo, pressing her body to the corner of cage. 

“Goblin,” Jongdae says. Not all the cats had to come from abusive homes, sometimes they just came into the world scared. That didn’t make them worse or lesser than the other ones. They all deserved a good home that cherishes them. 

“Why is she in here?” Kyungsoo asks, taking notes of her smaller size than the rest of the adults in the room. 

“She’s not adjusting to the other cats,” Jongdae says. He doesn’t expect Kyungsoo to stretch a hand out to her. He sucks in a breath, pulling in air to warn against the gesture, but it’s too late as her claws carve two red valleys into his hand. 

“Oh, my god, I am so sorry,” Jongdae’s mouth floods with apologies, but Kyungsoo stands still and keeps his bleeding hand still. Jongdae notices it then, that he had taken down his mask, hanging off on ear. The sight is enough to have his throat clogging. 

The deep affection in his large eyes, set on the hissing, yowling kitten. Jongdae watches a soft smile break on plush, thick lips as Goblin lets out a final, pathetic mewl before letting his fingers scratch behind her ear. 

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo whispers to her. “I don’t adjust to others well, either.” 

__  
Kyungsoo doesn’t pick out a cat immediately. Instead, he comes in on Jongdae’s shifts, plays with the cats in every room. 

Sehun and Jongin throw him looks whenever Kyungsoo lingers too long. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, his “best friends” had come by to “drop off lunch”, throwing kisses at him behind Kyungsoo’s back. They just wanted a glimpse of the one Jongdae can’t seem to stop thinking about. Baekhyun holds his hand up, fingers saying 'Ok', followed by a much more inappropriate gesture that had Jongdae spilling coffee on Kyungsoo’s black shirt. 

The once stranger has become a steadfast presence that Jongdae looks forward to. Kyungsoo has a way with the cats. Jongdae jokes with him, saying that they see him as one of their own. He had earned a happy little smile from that comment and Jongdae trips. He’s not clumsy, it’s just what Kyungsoo does to him. 

If you generalized humans into dogs and cats, Kyungsoo would no doubt be a cat. He’s quiet, weary of others, keeps to himself. But Kyungsoo opens up, talks in his soothing baritone to those that can approach and respect his space. Jongdae knows plenty of people that needed coaxing, and worked with plenty of cats, that needed space and time to feel comfortable. Jongdae likes to listen, not just to stories of Kyungsoo’s cactus he has at home or the couple that are his best friends, but to the underlying meaning. How Kyungsoo complains about his friends, but he has to fight the fondness that bubbles up. 

What Jongdae can get him to talk about, beside his friends and the cats, is the cactus. 

Kyungsoo talks about it, the entire journey of it: finding it dying on a shelf, buried behind other healthier cactus, his struggle to learn about the care a cactus needed, Kyungsoo had built a shelf in front of his window just to give it enough sunlight, because his apartment’s too dim, even set up a light fixture for the winter. He had come in, smiling with glowing cheeks to match, about how the cactus had started growing buds. 

Jongdae has built a personal connection to the cactus, loves it vicariously, because Kyungsoo is a deep well that overflows. He’s starry eyed when Kyungsoo speaks of the plant. How did someone have that much love for such a tiny thing? Can something that can be forgotten, left to wither, be worth so much trouble and effort? 

It’s just what Kyungsoo does. 

Today, he and Kyungsoo are distributing the wet food, room by room. It’s a quiet chore between the two humans, while the cats zoom, meow, and butt their heads against their legs. Kyungsoo stumbles at the wave of fur over his ankles and tsk’s in disappointment. They greet and pet each cat before moving into the next room. Goblin runs up to the door and sticks out a paw, using her especially pathetic meow to lure Kyungsoo. 

It works as he beelines to her cage, kisses the outstretched paw. Like routine, she retracts it and waits for him to open the door. She doesn’t immediately go for the food, just puts her paws on Kyungsoo’s shoulders and rubs her head against his. Her purrs are loud and bubbly. 

“She really took to you,” Jongdae says with hope. 

“Mhm,” Kyungsoo hums, too busy peppering kisses on the cat’s face. She meows, rubs her chin on his nose before hopping to her food. She takes a few bites and walks back to Kyungsoo, still chewing, putting her head under his hand. 

“Then again, a lot of the cats took to you,” Jongdae giggles. His hand joins Kyungsoo’s, petting her shoulders. “I appreciate that you’ve really taken your time to get to know the cats. Everyone comes in, picks one out just for its looks. But they’re all different with a unique personality… I hate taking them back, you know?” 

Kyungsoo makes an uncommitted noise. Jongdae has learned a lot about Kyungsoo, though not much about his personal life. All Jongdae knew in that respect is that Kyungsoo worked as a chef at a farm-to-table restaurant a town over, his best friend’s name were Minseok and Yixing, and the cactus. What he has learned is Kyungsoo’s language of grunts and hums. 

“Is there one you have picked out already?” Jongdae asks. Kyungsoo’s stare is his only answer. Silence follows, continues as Kyungsoo turns away, pets Goblin, until Jongdae forgets about the question. It happens often, Jongdae’s not sure why, but Kyungsoo will stop responding to people. It can last for 10 minutes or the rest of the time they spend together, quiet and distant. It doesn’t upset or anger Jongdae anymore than a cat that suddenly nips at his hand, done with attention. He’s been clawed so many times, he’s just learned to understand that thresholds on interactions are different, creature to creature. 

Kyungsoo’s fingers stroke against his. Jongdae shoots him a reassuring smile, fingers tingling, gives him space, and goes back to working and humming songs. Kyungsoo doesn’t speak until he leaves. 

“Goodnight, Jongdae. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Jongdae is left with a promise.

___

“Ask him out,’ Baekhyun pesters him. They’re having beers at Jongdae’s apartment. Typical Friday night, the three of them get together to bitch about their week. One reason being an adult sucks: less time with friends. But Fridays have become a sacred tradition, with only three sick days allowed. “He’s cute, sweet, a little moody, but your perpetual optimism can work with that.” 

“I’m not always optimistic,” Jongdae replies. Like with his chances with Kyungsoo. 

“You’re natural energy is what all yoga girls want to have,” Chanyeol scoffs.

“Did you just imply my energy is that of a yoga girl?” 

“Said, no implications. That’s a compliment,” Baekhyun explains. “Yoga girls are strong as fuck and have nice skin.” 

“Ugh, I hate both of you,” Jongdae laments. He’d rather that over continuing speaking on his crush. Kyungsoo’s already living, rent free in his skull as off late. He didn’t think he could be any happier with his job, but Kyungsoo’s visits have been the first thing on his mind. “What if he doesn’t like me? It’s kind’ve hard to get a read on the guy.” 

“He’s been visiting to “look for a cat” for more than a month, on only your shifts,” Baekhyun spells out. “It doesn’t take that long to pick out a cat. Especially since Goblin picked him out, day one. That’s how that works.” 

Baekhyun had a corgi that he swears picked him out at the dog shelter that Chanyeol worked out. Baekhyun, a fairly successful youtuber, was a well known pet lover and ran a small fundraiser for donations for food and necessities for local shelters. Jongdae and Chanyeol knew each other since Chanyeol worked at a shelter without a vet and used theirs, making him a regular at their shelter before he too-eagerly pops into Junmyeon’s clinic. They became a trio when Baekhyun, and a truck load of pet supples, pleaded for their help distributing food when the fundraiser was a little too successful. The ordeal ended with Baekhyun with a corgi and a cat with Chanyeol and Jongdae’s numbers saved on his phone. 

“He’s clearly coming to see you,” Baekhyun squeezes his arm. 

“You don’t know that,” Jongdae flicks him between the brows. “Kyungsoo’s a thorough kind of dude-” 

“Yeah, you deserve someone being thorough with you.” 

“And would probably spend a long time picking out the right cat,” Jongdae continues. “Making sure his house is ready. Maybe he just wants to learn all the info on how to take care of cats. I don’t know him enough to know if he likes me.” 

Though that did not seem to deter Jongdae’s heart. He hugs a pillow close to his chest and buries his head in it. Without a doubt, his cheeks are red hot. He wishes it was from his friends’ teasing, but it’s worse; an image of Kyungsoo letting Goblin hop on his shoulders loops in his brain. It’s one thing to be thirsty, and Kyungsoo’s plenty handsome to leave it at that, but Jongdae knows he’s beyond that. 

It’s mortifying at his age. 

“What’re you going to do when he does adopt a cat?” Chanyeol asks. 

Baekhyun hums, in consideration, “If he really is just there for research, doesn’t that mean you’ll never see him again?” 

There’s a literal loading moment between all of them. For Jongdae, it’s the horrifying realization that there’s an expiration date between him and Kyungsoo. All his organs feel like they’ve been sucked into a void. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are quiet as they realize what their questions imply. 

“B-b-but that doesn’t mean you’ll never see him again,” Chanyeol says. “You can give him your number, in case he needs help with the cat.” 

Jongdae lets himself slump over, clinging onto the pillow. 

“Yeah, and…” Baekhyun’s brain stutters. “You live in the same town.” 

“Wow, that’s not even close to comforting,” Chanyeol says. 

“He doesn’t live in this town,” Jongdae mumbles into his pillow. “His town doesn’t have a shelter. The poor strays…” 

“Oof, good job, Baek. Now he’s sad about Kyungsoo and homeless cats.” 

“Aha!” Baekhyun snaps his fingers. “You know he works at a farm-to-table as a chef. There’s can only be so many of those around.” 

“Five!” Chanyeol chirps after some tapping. “Within fifty miles. Only two within twenty miles.” 

“So it’s gotta be one of those.” 

Jongdae throws the pillow at Baekhyun, “So I’ll only have to stalk him to see him again?” 

“Yeah, so you have to ask him out!” Baekhyun said. “I know we think of the worst when it comes to asking, but you’re already seeing the worst. So, why not think of the best possible outcome?”  
Jongdae ponders. Without the fear of loosing Kyungsoo, of rejection, the image loops. Goblin like an acrobat on Kyungsoo. Jongdae earning the right to presses kisses on those plush lips, shy of a smile. His heart’s a feather, floating in his hollow chest. 

“I get to keep seeing Goblin and Kyungsoo,” is all he can muster in the pink fuzz, like swirling cotton candy, that fills him. 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun laugh, “Really, Jongdae, you’re just a crazy cat lady wrapped in twink form.” 

__

The next few days are rainy. It’s storm season, humid and hot between the sheets of oncoming rain. Kyungsoo had called the shelter to let him know that he wouldn’t be able to come for a few days. Jongdae hadn’t been the one to pick up the call, otherwise he would have asked for Kyungsoo’s number with an excuse to send pictures of Goblin and the other kitties. But Sehun had taken the message and passed it on with much teasing. 

Jongdae’s knees are still weak, because Kyungsoo had called for Jongdae’s sake. It was considerate, but, ultimately, unnecessary if Jongdae’s 'just the shelter guy'. There’s tear drop of hope in all his anxious thoughts and it ripples, turns the the murky waters clear. 

“Is Goblin still okay?” Kyungsoo asks over the phone, calling on the third day of his absence. It’s been lethargically slow with few people wanting to venture out in gloomy weather. Even the cats dozed the day away in lazy piles. They didn’t even come when Jongdae had shaken a bag of treats, feathered toy in one hand. Tubs was the only one, disturbing the cats on him, waddling over to Jongdae. He had eaten some treats and walked away when he tried playing with them. 

“Yeah,” Jongdae had been half asleep when the phone had rung. It still clung to the edges of his conscious. Combined with the joy of hearing Kyungsoo’s voice, the pitter patter of rain, Jongdae feels sedated, melting a top the reception counter. “Misses you though. She complains every time I feed her and looks for you behind me. She moves her head like a bird.”

Kyungsoo’s lighthearted laugh graces his ears. 

“I’ll be by tomorrow,” He says. 

“Promise? I wouldn’t want to disappoint Goblin.” 

“Goblin, hm?” 

“Mhm,” Jongdae hums, unconvincing. It’s difficult to pretend with Kyungsoo’s husky voice so close. Perhaps, it’s merely easier to be honest, without the handsome angles of his face or heart shaped smile. 

“I see,” He shouldn’t read into it. The amused ring in Kyungsoo’s voice. Shouldn’t put too much hope in his heart, but it’s difficult when Kyungsoo’s reciprocates in his own form of flirting. The way his voice deepens. “You can be sure to let Goblin know I’ll be there.” 

“Good.” 

“Be careful driving home later. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jongdae.”

__

Jongdae is as elated as the storm free sky, blue and bright, when he sees Kyungsoo’s car pull in five minutes into his shift. But he looses all his organs when he takes out a fancy soft cat carrier. A harness and leash looped around his wrist. All black to go with his everything. It’s a Friday afternoon so Jongin’s there to see his smile crumble. 

“He likes you,” Jongin whispers, as he fiddles with the files he’s digitizing. He and Kyungsoo had grown close over the last few weeks, despite their first impressions of each other. Sometimes, when he switches shifts with Jongin, Kyungsoo will already be there, speaking to the younger man. 

The bell chimes. 

“Jongdae!” Kyungsoo greets, more joyous than the bells. Jongdae’s heart squeezes around the arrow shot through it. “I got approval to take Goblin home!” 

Jongdae practically screeches with contracted mirth. “Kyungsoo, that’s awesome!” 

“Approval?” Jongin asks under his breath. 

It’s barely registered in Jongdae’s mind, nor does he care about apartment bureaucracy, as he rounds the reception counter and engulfs Kyungsoo in a hug. 

“So happy to be rid of her, huh?” Kyungsoo teases when they separate. Jongdae pokes his cheek. 

“Shut up. I have rights as a foster parent.” 

“No, you’re just happy you can pawn her off to someone to keep your record,” Kyungsoo’s hand is quick as a whip when his fingers circle Jongdae’s wrist. His pulse skyrockets. “She’s a very bad cat, you know. Doesn’t like strangers, far too demanding, and only eats expensive food.” 

“Wow, that doesn’t sound familiar at all,” Jongdae resists lowering his gaze to Kyungsoo’s lips. Shit. 

“You worked really hard to sell her case.” 

“I’m good at matching my humans with my cats. I’m a professional feline social worker.” 

Kyungsoo lets go of his wrist and smiles, “Fine, you’re good.”

Jongin coughs when they smile and stare a little too long. The mother and child throw them odd looks as they carry their pet out the door. Jongdae laughs it off and takes the carrier and leash, stowing them away behind the reception desk. 

“Let’s go see her,” Jongdae tugs his sleeve on their way into the kennels. Kyungsoo’s an inch in the door when Goblin starts meowing for him. It's so pathetic that both of them can’t keep in their laughter. She’s petulant when Kyungsoo makes his way over to her, stopping along the way to greet the other cats. There’s hard head-butts against his chin and pawing. 

Jongdae leans against the other cages, sticking his fingers through the cage, “She really missed you.” 

“Only her?” 

“No,” It’s his turn to tease. “Tubs did too. He misses you sneaking him treats.” 

Kyungsoo picks up Goblin and she easily melts in his arms. Jongdae’s not kidding when he says his greatest source of happiness comes from watching a stray find a home.There’s nothing like seeing that connection and excitement. 

At least, he hadn’t known anything else like it before. 

Kyungsoo’s lips pull upwards. 

What’s the best thing that could happen? 

Once Goblin has had her fill of loving and chiding Kyungsoo, Jongdae manages to wrestle her in his arms. He shoos Kyungsoo to the front to fill out paperwork while he takes Goblin to the vet’s office for a check up before she’d approved to go. 

“Hey, Junmyeon,” Jongdae says to the veterinarian.Their veterinary offices was compromised of Junmyeon’s personal office, a fully stocked supply closet, and the clinic. As a shelter, they’re lucky to have these kinds of facilities, considering Chanyeol had to drive twenty minutes from the dog shelter. 

“Oh, not her again,” Junmyeon says. He curses Yoona, his gay “mother”, friend, and boss. Goblin has had plenty of trips to the clinic either for sneaking her way into supplies and eating the wrong thing or - “Let me guess, she fought with another cat?” 

“Nope!” Jongdae singsongs. “She’s being adopted.” 

Junmyeon’s face contorts, “Why?” 

“She’s not all bad,” He defends. “You only ever get to see her puking or bleeding. She’s normally a sweetie.” 

“Stop seducing the customers with your pretty face and lies, Jongdae,” Junmyeon ushers him and the cat into the clinic. Normally, a visit to the vet will have Goblin clawing at Jongdae to escape, but she just sits on all fours and meows, cutely, as if to prove Junmyeon wrong. “What did you do with Goblin?” 

“I found her a matching human. Kyungsoo’s-” Jongdae’s about to word vomit all his feelings on the examination table, but Junmyeon’s cheeky, knowing grin makes his face heat up to boiling. “is in the reception. And needs to fill out paper work.” 

The moment he walks out the clinic doors there’s an ‘ow you lil shit’ from Junmyeon and another too cute meow from Goblin. 

Jongin and Kyungsoo are halfway through the paperwork when Jongdae gets back to the front. Jongin scatters with the worst possible excuse for him, 'oh I have to work to do', before leaving Jongdae alone with Kyungsoo. 

“Need help?” Jongdae says. 

“No, I think I’m fine,” Kyungsoo says without looking up, focused on his task. Jongdae lets himself marvel at the other. There’s no arguments regarding Kyungsoo’s handsomeness. It’s hypnotizing, like cut marble, worked by a master artist. But it’s the knit of his brows, the way his fingers hold the pen, serious, dutiful, determined. Jongdae’s drawn on in and caught. 

“Done,” Kyungsoo smiles. He hands the piles over to a flustered Jongdae. Good thing he’s knows the forms like the back of his hand. Junmyeon comes out with Goblin a few minutes later, dropping her off on the counter with a fresh bandaid on his hand. When he retreats, he throws Jongdae a thumbs up. 

“Okay, you’re all set,” Jongdae says when they have Goblin in the carrier. He hands over a paper folder to Kyungsoo, who tucks it under his arm. Goblin mews, complains, about her temporary captivity. Jongdae’s throat tightens at the thought of not seeing her during his shifts. He’s spent more time with Goblin than any other kitten, aside from those that became his own. 

“Don’t cry.” 

“I’m not,” Jongdae bites his lip. He’s not a crier, never been, not even as a child. But his eyes betray him by welling up. She meows, scratches the side of the cage, as Kyungsoo mops up the liquid beading on the corner of his eyes with a tissue. “Didn’t fall so…” 

What’s the best thing that could happen? 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae steals himself. The man clad in black hums. It’s a beautiful note that vibrates down Jongdae’s spine. “I, umm…” 

He falters. Kyungsoo’s brow quirks. There’s three heads peaking, in the “kitchen”, are doing a terrible job of not being nosy. Jongdae has to do a double take at Sehun, because he’s not on schedule today. Seriously, did he have nothing better to do? His heart is hammering up his throat. 

“Jongdae?” 

“I really like you,” Jongdae pushes the words out before his heart can clog his throat, before Kyungsoo and Goblin are out of his life forever. Before the best possible thing is an abandoned dream. He squeezes his eyes shut, takes a second to get a hold of all his feelings. “Can I maybe take you out for…” 

The expression on Kyungsoo’s face is a work of art. The way stricken sticks to all his features. Jongdae can feel, with just one look, the excitement freeze. From lips, frozen half parted, corners dripping into a frown. Even his eyes build an immediate glaze, shimmering with water. They’re wide, big, and so sad that they’re a masterpiece. 

“Jongdae, I-” Kyungsoo’s voice constricts. The distance between them stretches. Jongdae feels drenched in ice water. Kyungsoo grabs the handle of Goblin’s carrier with a tight fist. His next words are mechanical. “T-thank you for your help.”

Jongdae’s never felt worse in his life as Kyungsoo turns around, just like the first day, grabs the handle. Jongdae turns away, eyes squeezed shut. The bells don’t chime. 

“I’m so sorry,” Kyungsoo’s deep, husky tone shakes. 

Now he can accurately say he’s never felt worse. His heart aches so strongly, his lungs forget to breath. Air stills in his lungs and his ears ring with the chime until it crescendoes to the only stimuli left with the ache. 

He doesn’t breathe until there’s a hand on his back, gasping wetly for oxygen. 

___

So Jongdae deals with heartbreak. He does, because he’s not 18 and not stuck to idealized lovesickness of True love and The One. He’s just upset that Kyungsoo wasn’t The One. Even if “the one” is just the person you end up with. He would’ve liked it to be Kyungsoo, but the feeling he holds for the other do not feel wasted, more like an abandoned story or an unfinished painting. They were never realized. 

Nor does he get any closure. 

It’s been over a month since he’s seen Kyungsoo. 

The other hadn’t shown up since taking Goblin away. Jongdae wonders how she’s doing, scolds himself, because he should’ve said goodbye and gave her a last kiss before he confessed. He wonders how Kyungsoo’s doing too, what he’s doing to make his home a home for her, why he had looked stricken at Jongdae’s feelings. He wonders what’s wrong with them? With him?  
Jongdae’s equally upset that he couldn’t be Kyungsoo’s The One. 

Maybe that’s the problem; he was just a friend, who was never meant to cross that line, unsuited for Kyungsoo. 

But the thing that he hates the most: Jongdae has associated the shelter with Kyungsoo’s presence. The first time he stepped into the place since he confessed, it’s like all the joy that been sucked out of it. It had been the underlying constant in Jongdae’s life. Everyday, the shelter gives him a chance to do some good, to make a difference in a cat’s life, or a person, or family. How easily his mood would lift with the first step to the linoleum, the squeak under the third tile sounded like a happy chirp, the celebrating bells. 

The bells are too loud. The tiles creak and complain. All he thinks, as he leaves, is every failure to send a cat to a good home. How they’ll be stuck in those rooms, in their pens, without finding their family. 

“Hey, dropping off some food,” Baekhyun greets as he and Chanyeol was through the front door. Jongdae lifts his head from the counter. The rain is falling in sheets outside, has been since the night before. Their hair and shoulders are soaked. “Figured you’d need some company.” 

Even Junmyeon hadn’t made it in. He’s on call, in case of any emergencies, but the cats dozed and snored. Jongdae wishes he could fall asleep, but he’s still got a lot of heartbreak to work through, knows because his eyes find the phone, waiting for it to ring, for a rich voice that accompanies the rain. 

“You okay?” Chanyeol asks. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Jongdae tries a smile. Baekhyun and Chanyeol meet it with their own, even if his is unsuccessful. They go to the “kitchen” to eat.

“Sorry, Dae,” Baekhyun says. “I feel like I really got your hopes up.” 

Baekhyun’s been saying the same thing since Jongdae told them. He doesn’t hold it against his friend, or Sehun, Jongin, or anyone who cheered him on. Jongdae shakes his head and bumps shoulders with Baekhyun, shoving a mouthful in. He doesn’t want the other to be upset, especially since it just upsets Jongdae more. 

“His loss,” Baekhyun grumbles. It’s unlike the duo to be quiet, hard even, but they support Jongdae by talking about nonsense and keeping their voices low. Jongdae doesn’t say much, but he appreciates it regardless. Jongdae’s actually snorting laughing within twenty minutes anyway, successfully distracted by Chanyeol accidentally eating cat food, planted by Baekhyun. 

That’s when the bells chime and the door slams open from the winds. They all startle, jumping, chairs skidding. Jongdae’s out of his seat, fearing the door latch has broken again, when he comes face to face with something much worse. 

Wide, stricken eyes. 

“Jongdae.” 

Rich, deep voice. 

“Please, help her.” 

Jongdae’s eyes finally rip away from the black clad figure to the carrier in his fist. He hears Goblin’s meow for the first time in weeks, it’s hers, but its raspy, pained. 

“Come this way,” Jongdae says, leading him into the clinic. “Put her on the table. Junmyeon’s not here, but I’ll call him, if it’s an emergency, he can walk me through first aid. What happened? What are her symptoms?” 

“I gave her some flea and tick killer medicine. It’s the recommended brand from my research, I even put it behind her neck and shoulders. But it must have dripped down and she licked it. But she’s salivating a lot and keeps swallowing it. It said it’s a common side effect, but she started acting weird, kept trying to lick the spot, and the body tremors got worse. She threw up on me and herself and didn’t even move. She’s lethargic too.” 

The situation gushes out of Kyungsoo’s mouth in a waterfall of panic. 

“Hello?” Junmyeon answers. 

Jongdae quickly fills him in and repeats what the key symptoms to him. 

“Okay, did she stop eating?” Junmyeon asks. He repeats it the question out loud. Kyungsoo nods to confirm and Jongdae relays. “Give her some anti-nausea meds and I’ll drive over to check her out. I should be there in less than 20 minutes.”

Jongdae goes to the medical room, where Goblin meowed, sitting on all fours in a tense bundle. Her voice is weak, but it’s clear like her eyes. Jongdae exhales with some relief, as he’s been around sick cats, he can tell that she’s sick, but it’s not an emergency that 20 minutes could be detrimental. Jongdae pets her, whispers in a soothing tenor. He sees Kyungsoo’s shoulders inch down, relaxing slowly. 

“Anti-nausea,” Jongdae says, plucking the white pill container from the cabinets. He knows the medication cabinet better than the vet, considering Jongdae’s the one who organizes it. Junmyeon couldn’t be trusted to handle paperwork. “This should help. Junmyeon will be here in 20 minutes.” 

“Okay.” 

Jongdae easily wrangles Goblin to swallow the pill, but she does protest with a hiss when he lets her go, confirm by forcing her mouth open to see the pill gone. She crawls to the corner of the table closest to Kyungsoo. And they waited in silence. 

The thickness that hangs between them, tugs on their chins, both their eyes trained on anything, but the other. Funny, how he’s wished to see Kyungsoo, begged the universe to see him, had a queue of things to say. How inconsiderate to walk away from a confession without an answer. How rude to make himself at home in Jongdae’s heart, then rip that piece so that it hurts every time he takes a breath. 

“You didn’t let me say goodbye,” Jongdae mumbles under his breath. “I was never going to see her again. And you didn’t even let me say goodbye.” 

He doesn’t expect Kyungsoo to say anything and drowns in the silence. At least, Goblin was already beginning to settle with the medicine, beginning to purr. 

“I’m a vet.” 

“Why are you here then? If you’re a vet, then you should’ve been able to take care of her?” 

“No, sorry,” Kyungsoo scoff-chuckles. “Different vernacular. I’m a veteran.” 

“Oh,” Jongdae gives himself a moment to process. Veteran. Its implication. Or rather his implications of it. The queue disappears and he’s left to grapple with the new information. 

“I have PTS,” Kyungsoo adds. His speech, oft calm and well spoken, is awkward. Difficult. “High functioning. Now, that is. When I was first discharged, that wasn’t the case. I go to group therapy once a week. And have to check up with a psychologist every two. She checks my… recovery progress.” 

“That’s…” Jongdae doesn’t really know what to say. “ Sorry, I’m just processing… It must’ve been rough. Coming home. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I guess… I really don’t know you that well.” 

“How could you? I never spoke about it.” 

“I never asked. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.” 

“You’re really apologizing to the man that ran out on your confession?” 

Jongdae shuts his mouth in a thin line. 

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m not teasing you, Jongdae. I just… You know, you’re the only person that never asked why I get “so quiet”. I’ve never had anyone treat it as this normal part of me. I struggle with it in therapy, three years of coping, it’s still hard to speak or pay attention or stay in the moment. Going non-verbal is seen as something so rude, but you’ve only ever tilted your head and smiled.” 

Jongdae swallows, feels a prick in his eyes. 

“I’ve never fallen for someone so fast,” Kyungsoo whispers, fear laced in his confession. 

Jongdae’s head is spinning. He doesn’t understand what’s going on anymore. Kyungsoo likes him back. 

“Hey, sorry, I’m here,” Junmyeon says as he tugs open the clinic door. He immediately reads the room. “Uh…” 

Jongdae takes a shaky breath before showing his back to Kyungsoo. 

__

“Jongdae- woah, slow down,” Baekhyun says. Jongdae startles at his friends, both perched around the reception counter. He had forgotten there was a world outside the med room for a moment, drowned out entirely by Kyungsoo.

“You okay?” Chanyeol asks, bending down to hug him. He doesn’t have time to reply before the doors to the vet’s office squeak open. “Hey, you asshole, Jongdae’s the nicest and most amazing person on this planet. You’re an absolute idiot for passing him up.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo agrees. “He’s not just nice, Jongdae’s kind. Full of empathy, always thinking of the best for others. He never judges anyone, or any cat. He really is the most amazing person on this planet.” 

“O…kay,” Baekhyun says. “I’m confused.” 

“Jongdae, please, I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo pleads. Jongdae separates himself from Chanyeol. “I-”

“It doesn’t make it okay,” Jongdae lets his mouth take over. “So you like me back? Then, why? It broke my heart when you walked away.” 

“It hurt me too-”

“No, it didn’t. Because you weren’t left feeling like you’re not enough.” 

“I don’t need to feel like that, because I know I’m not good enough for you.” 

Jongdae drops his head in his hands, gathers himself, and the broken shards that wrecked through Kyungsoo’s voice. When he raises his head, he sees Kyungsoo swipe at his cheek. “Baek, Yeol, can you just leave us for a second?” 

“Yup, no problem,” the two utter as they practically book it into the cat rooms. 

Jongdae sits down on one of the chairs behind the reception desk. He gestures for Kyungsoo to sit on the chair across from him. He does.

“If you like me, why didn’t you say anything? No calls, nothing.” 

“The cactus.” 

“What?”  
“My group counselor told us that people with PTS need to be aware of our capacity to take care of ourselves before we can even think of caring for another person. Before we can be in a relationship,” Kyungsoo says. “First, get a plant. If you can keep it alive, then great. Move on to a pet.” 

“Goblin.” 

Kyungsoo nods, “Then, maybe I would be ready to be involved with another person. I met with my psychologist. She approved of my progress to getting Goblin.” 

“O-oh, I thought that was about an apartment issue,” Jongdae clears his throat. “So… what does this mean? I like you, you like me back, but you can’t… we…” 

“Jongdae.” 

His attention is immediately drawn in by the way his name falls from Kyungsoo’s lips. 

“You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can hold a conversation and can devote their time to you, instead of at therapy.” 

“Kyungsoo, no. Therapy is really important and I… well, you don’t get to tell me what I deserve, because all I want is you. If you wanted me to get what I deserved, then I should be given what I wish for.” 

“I can’t, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo’s shoulders slump. “I’m not ashamed for having PTS. People just don’t understand it. My group is like a family, we help each other with anything. But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t weigh us down, hurts us, or hurts others. Remember those few days when I couldn't come in? That was because I was having a hard time coping. I couldn't bring myself to get out of my house. It was... it felt like set back. When you said you liked me. I was so happy and scared. Because I feel the same way, but I can't be with you. Not yet. Not as I am right now. I won't compromise that. I'm sorry." 

The storm crackles with light then a commencement of thunder. 

“Can I wait?” Jongdae asks. Rain sheets down on the window panes. “I don't want to compromise either. The cactus is blooming. And you’re great with Goblin. Even if this is a hiccup.” 

Kyungsoo watches him with dark eyes, lightning reflected in their depths. Jongdae holds them with thunder in his chest. 

“A cactus, a cat, and a Jongdae… Eventually? Is it okay if I wait?” 

__

“Bye, kitties! I’ll be home later!” Jongdae says as he walks out of his apartment. He says under his breath, “Hopefully not though.” 

He’s beyond elated, tripping his way up into a sugar-like giddiness.

Jongdae barely has to look to spot the black car with tinted windows. He looks too eager, knows it, but Kyungsoo looks as sheepish, trying to lower his lips, caught looking for him. His heart does a series of acrobatics that a cirque du Soleil performer would be envious of. And his fingers are little numb when he reaches for the door. 

Is that normal? What side of his body is that on? Oh, fuck, why does he look so good? It’s just a movie and dinner! Wait- is that only a black shirt? Jongdae, say something, you’re just sitting there-

“H-hi,” Jongdae stutters. This was ridiculous. He and Kyungsoo had been engaged in are-we-aren’t-we, except with a spice of a mental condition, for nearly a year. They had taken everything at a slow, steady pace. Or tried… look, at least they kept everything platonic and devoid of relationship drama. They had gone on a weekend gateway together, assimilated with each other’s friends, and met each others’ parents. They had left an open line of communication too. Very adult and with lots of patience. 

It may be their first official date, but that didn’t mean Jongdae should act like he’s never been on a date before. 

Kyungsoo clears his throat, “Do you have to look so good?” 

Jongdae looses every ounce of sense he has ever accumulated in his life. “I’m kissing you tonight, okay?” Jongdae says, determined. Or maybe in warning. “I’m not sure if I can wait the whole time, maybe just like a little kiss during the movie? Or at like dinner? But definitely not until you drop me off. But it’s going to happen and I thought I should warn you-”

The feel of Kyungsoo’s lips on his is indescribable. It’s soft and warm, but it makes his lips tingle like a shock and halt his heart in its rhythm. 

Kyungsoo is shy, but eager. His lips test the waters with gentle pressure. It’s like honey pouring over a spoon. Jongdae lets him lead, feeling the anxiety slide off himself, as Kyungsoo presses forward, confident. His greed shows, simmering under his full lips. 

Jongdae nips his bottom lip as Kyungsoo pulls back. His eyes were closed as he inhaled, deeply, and exhaled with what seemed to be relief. He drops his head with a snort. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” 

“I think I have an idea…” Jongdae giggles. He doesn’t feel embarrassed when Kyungsoo finally sits up and catches him with his fingers pressed to his lips in disbelief. “Umm… That was…”

“Worth the wait?” Kyungsoo’s smile is a work of art. In the shape of a heart to show the world how much love he carried. A smile that was only ever worn when he wanted to, shown to those trusted. It’s sincere and takes power to wear. It’s a masterpiece. 

Jongdae’s cheeks are on fire. They ache with their own lovestruck smile, “Depends on dinner.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote 98% of this fic and, then, abandoned it for nearly a year before finishing it. Then, I finished it and completely forgot to post it for a month.


End file.
